Did you just squirt me with soy sauce or are you happy to see me?

Names are being omitted to protect the innocent. Or, as it were, the blatantly guilty that simply prefer to remain nameless. But those that know me know that I am... aloof, to be kind. So if I showed them a picture such as this, of a soy sauce-stained shirt, they would simply shrug and say, "meh, it's Shawn".


(note there is splatter on the chest AND arm area)

However, on this day I was the victim, not of my own condiment mishandling, but rather of a co-worker's well-unaimed projectile saucing. Even so, I added my own oblivious flavor to the moment, as can generally be expected. So, imagine, if you will, a soy sauced-filled egg roll being casually and non-maliciously bitten into, but in such a way as for said soy sauce to squirt-out rather violently, only to land. ALL. OVER. MY. SHIRT. And, incidentally, my face.

Are you imagining? Well, I was not. I was looking at my plate, eating, minding my own business. In fact, myself having heretofore no involvement of any kind with the aforementioned soy sauce. And it was about then that I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

What's this? I asked as my eyes focused upon a spot on my shirt. Did I do this? As I questioned it, I increasingly widened my focus and gained awareness of the magnitude of the "incident". I looked up at my co-worker and... that look... the culprit became clear. There was a moment of shared anticipation... and then... minutes of solid laughter. Several minutes. Laughter. Tears. Embarrassment. And thorough distraction to the rest of the establishment.

Those several minutes later, we wiped the tears from our faces. I dabbed my shirt with a napkin. We attempted to restore the meal to some semblance of order. But we could not enjoy the remainder of the meal without the occasional regression to laughter. Even upon return to the office, we couldn't pass in the halls without a smirk. Or a lewd comment in the spirit of "nice shirt". And we may forever refer to the moment as "the great soy sauce incident", or perhaps simply, "the squirting" for short.