Memories I never knew I had

Back in the late 1991 time frame (yes, we're going way back) I had just moved to Oklahoma from Philadelphia. I was rather homesick, not that I've ever really gotten over that, but I've made due. Anyway, as a coping mechanism, I made a video tape. Two of them actually, for two of my best friends in Philly. I barely remember doing it, but basically I let them know how it was going and showed them a little of my environment out here. This much I knew, and so far as I knew for the last fifteen years, that was the end of it.

But much more happened. And I was completely unaware, until only recently.

You see, my friend Jen watched the tape with her boyfriend Dan, also one of my very good friends, who was then inspired to make a tape of his own. Only he went all-out, just for me. He walked around his college campus introducing me to people, AND he went back to our high school where he walked around and got people I knew to say a few words for me. He also went to a couple band events, getting even more people on tape for me. It was an awesome effort. Except for a couple important points. He never sent me the tape. He never even told me about the tape.

For the last almost fifteen years since he made the tape (in March of 1992), it just sat there, unviewed and unknown to me. Until the reunion. At our fifteen year high school reunion in November, he broke the news to me. And not so gently. I about had a conniption just knowing that there were these memories I was supposed to have, that were not taken from me, but rather simply omitted from my experience. But it was much more cruel a revelation than that. He revealed that he still had the tape, had just watched it a few days before, and was going on about how much I would have enjoyed it. ARGH.

So since the reunion I had been hounding him to send me the tape. At all costs. I would not rest until that missing piece of my past was restored to its rightful place in my memories. And finally, he sent it. What an EXCELLENT Christmas gift, even if it was a tad late.

Once I got the tape, I didn't watch it right away. To fulfill a promise I had made to Dan, I dubbed it to a DVD, made him a copy, and sent the tape back along with a DVD. But I have since watched it, and I feel whole again. Mostly.

The tape was filled with kind words to me from SO many people. Some who I haven't seen or heard from since. And so of course I feel guilty, as I would have sought those people out to specifically thank them for the lifeline from home at a time when I would have needed it most. But particularly sad is the fact that even if I tried, I couldn't thank some of those people right now, because they are no longer with us. Since that video was made, at least two students that greeted me on that tape have passed, and also one instructor who was particularly crucial in my development into the person I am today.

I don't regret getting the tape by any means. I am, of course, extremely appreciative that it was made and at long last sent to me. But I expected only happy memories from its viewing, and not so much the sad ones, making the impact that much stronger. I should have known better. But I will say that, knowing what I know now, I'd gladly take the memories again, sad ones and all, if I were given that choice up front.


For all of you on the tape, thank you so much for the memories. It's not likely I'll get the opportunity to say it to you in person like you deserve, but the world should know that my thanks and appreciation are unwavering in this regard.